Tokyo, 18 May 2018
Perhaps it was the ironic idea of being trapped 6000m above the ground with no way out and the real possibility of never actually making it back to earth that got me thinking about life. It was somewhere over the Pacific Ocean and way above the clouds when I felt my eyes starting to tear up. But all I could think about was how happy I felt: in fact, I felt nothing BUT happiness. You know, the feeling of pure content that everyone is thriving for every single day of of their lives but is only granted to feel once or twice in a lifetime. The feeling that marks the most important moments in your life, even revolutionary – the kind of feeling you just know that once it had passed, nothing will ever be the same again.
Maybe it was the fact that one of my biggest dreams was about to come true. We were on our way to Japan, a country I always thought would have a great impact on me. Maybe it was the fact that I had the most caring, loving and supportive man sitting next to me (yes, they still exist so if you don’t have one, go get yourself one of those!). The man, I know, will not always have my back in everything I do but also help me do it the best way I possibly could. The man that pushes me to become a better (no, not the best, simply better) version of myself every single day. Or maybe it was the fact that being up in the clouds was somewhat symbolic: I was leaving so much behind, literally and metaphorically. I left a career path that was once so clear and obvious to me that I couldn’t deny it. So little and so much at the same time. To me, my job and my ambition to be the best at it were everything to me. And now, I didn’t know what my path was anymore. I exchanged security and comfort in knowing that every day I would wake up and know exactly what I would do for what now only felt like daydreaming about something that could be. I left stability; got search and pursuit of the unknown. But it was exciting and at that very moment, it made be extremely happy. I didn’t know what the future held but I DID know that it was going to be bigger than I could have ever imagined. Bigger and better than anything before. There was only one thing stopping me from moving forward. Catharsis.
People always say ‘don’t burn the bridges behind you’ and ‘make sure you keep your options open’. Well, I needed to do the exact opposite: I needed to burn the bridges behind me to stop myself from turning back around and leaning on the comfortable idea of always being able to go back to the good old days. I needed to close behind the doors I no longer needed open to prevent myself from silently sneaking back through them every time I doubted myself. Lock them up, throw the key away!
I wanted to completely clear my mind and my biggest hope was that this trip would help me do that. I hoped that Japan would give me closure. I needed Japan to be my catharsis.